I'm not even going to entertain half a piece of cake after a child screams at me that they hate me and I'm stupid. What kind of parenting gives a child the feeling that they can even do that to their parents? If your child is bullying you then the ball was dropped somewhere and you better get that mess in order. That surely doesn't mean half a piece of cake and reassurance because they expressed themselves. Utter nonsense. Express this spanking and go to your room!
1. Diffuse by pointing out bad behavior. "Excuse me, you do not talk to me or anyone like that. Show some respect."
Identify "I know I said that and yes it is after work. The cake would have come as promised but with that attitude you have just lost the privilege of cake."
End conversation "Now sit down and think about how your attitude and manners needs to change."
I won't tolerate disrespect or poor manners.
This is just like a psychological mode of counseling. I am certified in, "L.S.C.I" or better known as Life Space Crisis Invention. It is very effective with children especially.
The correct response is: your behavior is unacceptable. Go to your room.
This is my house, I worked all day to put food on the table and I will not be disrespected. I do not raise brats. Cake is a privilege. You want cake? Earn it! Straighten up your act, go be helpful, and pray that I allow you the gift of cake.
And if you come at me like that again, especially when you see that I'm trying to take a moment after work here to relax, you'll be lucky if you ever see a cake again for the rest of your life.
The most important part is
If you promised youd give it before dinner or right at home, why are you deferring your promise.
Actually thats how we make our kids big time negotiators, argumental and naggers.
This article is infuriating to me. While I agree with the points made, it doesn't address discussing with the child why their actions aren't acceptable behavior. I agree de-escalation is necessary, but the child needs to know the behavior is inappropriate and won't be tolerated.
Negotiating is common...Yet kids are the worst they've ever been.
We have 20 and 30 year olds crying over an election.
Guess what? There are winners and there are losers. Negotiating shows them that their tantrum gets them something. That doesn't work in real life.
Can anyone suggest. .how do I handle my child if there is difference of opinion in most of the matters. .won't child get confused?
I do not agree with the way my husband raises him tolerating all his tantrums, buying whatever he wants. .not asking him to control his emotions. ..instead pampers them.. I am afraid that eventually he will become like him
husband was raised this way being the only child to his parents
Some good concepts - I think parents confuse bullying with a tantrum - bullying is relentless when it is a child. Never back down after you have made a decision or your partner has made a decision. Still all very hard to remember when they are screeching the house down around you.
Reiterating an earlier comment... So when someone, an adult, upsets me in any environment, whether that be work, on the train, in a shop...I am allowed to hit them in response and I wont suffer any consequences? Whatever. It seems odd that nobody in their right mind will take this approach with other adults but they're so happy to start doing it with children... further, this is learned behaviour. Not necessarily from the parents, but from somewhere. They've seen this type of behaviour work and give them what they want. Why not educate the child (age appropriately) that this is not a good way to speak to ANYONE (not just your parents, this isn't an ego trip), and the next time they do so firmer actions will be taken? Why does it have to resort to hitting and 'I'm the parent?' Since when did successful parenting involve hitting?
kids bullying parents?????? I brought mine into this world....I can't take them out!!!! okay in reality, it's okay for kids to be afraid of their parents!!
You do for me I do for you! My kids would say to me "can I go to a friends house?" I would answer "Did you clean your room. They would answer "No". I would answer You do nothing for me I do nothing for you. My kids hated this as they got older! But I told them everyday that I loved them. But it worked! Don't be afraid to be a parent!!! It called tough love!
When did parents stop being parents never heard such excuses from adults!!!! This is why so many kids are in care,young offenders, or Prison. Stand up and be counted you are parents not there best friend. Bad behaved kids need to know about consequences as do adults !!!!!!
Why not reward for good behavior? What happened to positive reinforcement. I don't intend to work for free and I don't expect my kids to do it either. They might get rewards in many forms but they do get rewards. I pay my kid to go to school, he's dyslexic and hates school there's no other way I could get him to care enough to put in all the extra effort it takes to make good grades with dyslexia.
this part of the article touched me: Give kids what they need , not what they want . Learning to communicate effectively while frustrated is more important than anything that your kid is craving in the moment. Surrendering, punishing, or negotiating robs kids of the opportunity to wrestle with their frustration and master it.
If any 1 of my amazing little girls should ever speak to me or thier mum using the words "I hate you! You’re stupid!" choc cake would be the least of thier worries...
Don't know what parents are doing , nothing it appears, or what anyone is telling parents to do with horrid children, again nothing it appears. Get back to real discipline and control over young people before the whole generation is lost to selfish begged! !
Meanwhile mum's now pissed off because dad spent the last three hours validating feelings and taking a quiet walk, dinner is now stone cold, and mum comfort-ate the last of the chocolate cake.
If I talked back to my mother when I was a kid.. I would get back handed ... my mom didn't abuse me but she took zero crap.. you can't do that anymore.. the kids cry " I'll call DCF... when you just want to swat their bottoms.. Pleeease
Not only dealing with a child bully, but now an eating disorder "let's both calm down and eat something" thinking the communication route and a good walk would do the trick.
There is only one mistake parents make, it is allowing your child to desrespect you. I know, I have 5 Kids.
Only one has somewhat of a relationship with me, the other 4 rarely talk to me. Reason being; I will not put up with their verbal abuse, threats, bulling.
This is completely wrong. If they are having a tantrum, put them in another room until they apologize. No explaining, no bribing, none of that. Parenting has gone out the window and they are raising brats with no respect.
Never promise anything you not going to do so watch what you promise. Never give in if he or she is trying to bully you
I agree, mature conversation is best, its good to talk calmly and rationally to kids and explain how their behaviour is wrong and hurtful, especially in the case of bullying a parent !
Its really sad to see all grownups battling so hard,like almost grindinf their teeth to ensure power belongs to the one who runs the house, or earns money,or is big in age,
Just make sure who are you staring against? Someone whos 15 or 25 yrs younger than you,(pitty,pathetic) so one day when they eearn money or run the house or are mosre mentally and physically stronger than you are , they will show the best version of well taught power and reign.
And i am sure you have got all the plans ready for your old age
When their kids bully them? 😳😝😂 I'd like to see my kids try to bully me. That would be hilarious. I'd be the only one laughing, though.
I'm sorry, this is just psycho-babble to me. Since when do adults negotiate? This is why we have a problem in this country. There is no respect for anyone else. It's all about me. If kids would be taught respect for others we'd have a better world.
The first one and the only one mistake you made is not telling them that there is a home for nasty kids down the block waiting for them. Oh and if they would rather leave than shut the f up drop em off. Might be confusing to the people who live there but not your problem any more. By the my adult son is a great guy we are as tight as two earbuds.
If your kid is talking to you that way...it's game over and the only promise I wll make is you're not getting cake! My kids have never talked like that and they don't swear in front of me either and neither do their friends. Do not make promises. I must have done something right.
Having been a child once I can guarentee you that children do not yet possess the emotional capacity or maturity to be reasoned with. So what do you do if your child just views those statements as a delay tactic and starts breaking things... Go for a walk? Call a timeout, when the child is already demonstrating he/she isn't following your directions? This way requires two EQUALS who are willing to compromise.